Estrogen + Enough-ness

Traveling solo with these four beauties is always an adventure... 

And, this week has been no different.  

I went back and forth about whether or not to share this blog post. 

Underneath my hesitation: perfection.  The fear of what 'they'll think.' 

I've learned a lot on this journey to release the stranglehold of perfection - it never really goes away completely.  We just get stronger.  More resilient.  We can see it faster.  

  Choosing authenticity is a daily practice.  And one I'm committed to.  

No matter how hard it is to sit with the discomfort.

Building our collective resilience is dependent upon us sharing.  

And having brave conversations.

And so, I compassionately share.  

For me. For my girls. For our girls. 

Because, we can do hard things. 

~

To the woman next to us in line at the coffee shop:  

I'm sure you meant no harm when you commented on my four girls.  

All those girls, you said.  That's a lot of estrogen, you said. 

Truth.  Ten years from now... estrogen will be flowing in vast quantities.  I get that.

You lost me when you told my four little girls that you felt bad for their daddy.  

And that they 'are the reason he wasn't there with us.'

Felt bad for him?

I don't understand.  

When we got back into the car, without me prompting or interjecting (or hyper-analyzing like I was doing in my head - hoping I misunderstood what you said), my 4 yo said: "She thinks boys are better than girls. I don't get it.  That's weird." 

I'm not sure that's what you meant to say, but that's what she heard.  

It's what I heard too. That's what I felt.

~

But, really...this isn't about you.  It's bigger than that - it's bigger than both of us.

And.  There is no space for judgement + shame here.  

I don't mean to get super deep over a passing encounter.  Or, maybe I do.  

Because, I value authenticity.  And. I believe in the power of courageous conversations.  

And right now, I'm deep in the midst of perfectionism research - and the data is alarming, even on a topic that is REALLY hard to quantify {because sharing violates the very thing you are trying to measure}.  

Perfection is a framework for experiencing the world - based in part on genetics AND on our life experiences - and the combination of the two.

According to Dove, only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.  

4%? What is going on here? 

What if we could shift the culture? 

I believe we can.

~

Four girls.

Whoa.

All those girls.  All that estrogen. 

Oh my gosh.  Poor daddy.  

No boy? So sorry. Better get a male dog.  

Honestly, it's what my husband and I hear - said in front of our girls - almost every time we go out together. 

I thought the twin comments were awkward + intrusive.  This is a whole new level - even for a recovering perfectionist who has learned to LET GO of so many things...   

This cuts into worthiness.  And tells them - without telling them - that they aren't enough. 

That their estrogen is too much. 

That four girls is too much. 

That they are too much. 

Too much. And. Not enough.  

These are the messages we, women, have heard all throughout our lives.  

How the hell are we supposed to be in the world? 

Supposed to's.  Another hallmark of perfection.  

These are the messages that dim our light - the ones that cause us to shrink our inner magic..    

I don't think you meant any harm.  I really don't.  

I think your words reflect your lens - your way of viewing the world, based on your own experiences + this toxic-at-times culture that tell us that we are not enough. 

AND. 

It's time for a change.

~

Releasing the grip of perfection opened up space for me to embrace my enough-ness.  It's been a journey - one that takes practice (on the daily) and a whole lot of compassion. 

Here's what I know for sure:

This space is the container for deep, lasting JOY.  

It's the place where inner peace is born.  

It's already inside of you.  It's already there.  

And. I also know that embracing all of me has been a

journey to embrace all of me.  

Including the messy.  Including the hormonal roller coaster rides.

We can't be selective with the grace + compassion + acceptance.  Those are conditions.  

 We are worthy.  Without conditions. 

I'm massively passionate about helping my girls - our girls - to understand and fully FEEL that they are worthy, without conditions.  

Imperfections.  Mistakes.  Failures.  All of it.  

We are worthy of love + belonging. 

AND.  If this is the message we want our girls to really FEEL, it's going to take a village... 

We have to lift each other higher.  

~

Four girls.  Whoa is right. Especially when they are given the space to

FULLY + COMPLETELY embrace their enough-ness.  

Badass. Brave. Beautiful.  

Four fierce little ladies with their feet firmly planted in the ground.  

~

About hubs - the man who cried when our fourth little lady arrived a year ago - the man who told me he couldn't imagine our family any other way.  

There's no need to feel bad for him.  

I can say with certainty, that their daddy feels blessed beyond measure.  

His four girls light up his world.  And.  They are completely enough.

xo

~

Samantha Livingstone is an Olympic Gold Medalist, transformational speaker, empowerment coach and mama of four.  She empowers others to cultivate the courage, compassion and resilience needed to let go of perfection - so they can achieve their own gold medal moments AND live a life that is filled with freedom, balance and lasting joy.   A mama of heart warrior and mama of twins, Samantha and her husband, Rob, live in the Berkshires with their four girls.  

You can learn more about Samantha at www.samanthalivingstone.com.