The Power of the Pause

When she reached into her wallet, I almost shot her down.

In my mind we’re all the reasons why not:

You’re too big for that. It’s such a silly ride. We’ve gotta get going… and on.

Instead of saying anything,

I paused, and got curious about my urge to jump in and talk her out of her idea.

Inside the pause I noticed my own discomfort — so I got even more curious.

By this time, she was BEAMING ear to ear and belly laughing.

I felt a twinge of sadness — knowing that my words, had I said them, would have robbed her of that moment.

Instead of beating myself up, I embraced her joy and acknowledged my growth — it’s been a journey getting here, learning how to be fully present.

When big sis jumped over to join her, this love happily lent her sister a quarter so she could experience the joy too.

As I watched my girls giggle with joy in these tiny toy cars, I felt grateful for taking the pause.

Because what I realized as we pulled away —

My discomfort wasn’t about how tall they were;

It was about the fear of what other people would think.

And that realization intensified my gratitude. Because I certainly don’t want my girls making decisions based on the fear of how they might be judged.

Full.

Stop.

As hard as we might try, we cannot control whether or not others judge us and/or our decisions.

We cannot control the opinions of others.

We also can’t control the fear we feel around being judged.

We CAN control how we respond to that fear + decide what, if anything, we do with it.

When fear goes unchecked, it drives our behavior. And as with all of our behavior come consequences.

There are plenty of times I’ve had to walk back my words — mostly when I’m flying on autopilot.

Pausing. Noticing. Getting curious. Challenging the “rules” of the world. And releasing the Right Way.

These are the gifts of practicing mindfulness.

If I had let my words fly -

What would’ve been the point? What would I really be protecting her from?

Blocking out joy, playing small, trying to be / do / say / act in all the Right Ways in an attempt to prevent or minimize judgment from others — doesn’t work.

So why spend our lives trying?

No thank you.

Best 25 cents ever spent!!

Samantha Arsenault Livingstone is an Olympic gold medalist, high-performance consultant, speaker and mental health advocate. In 2016, Samantha founded Livingstone High Performance and the Whole Athlete Initiative (the WAI) in response to the mental health crisis impacting adolescents across the globe. LHP provides pillars of support to organizations, teams and individuals to elevate mental health and improve performance. 

In 2020, Samantha co-founded WholeHealth Sport to equip coaches and parents with the training, skills and support needed to change the narrative, culture and game regarding mental well-being in sport.

In addition to private and group coaching, Samantha consults with teams and organizations on athlete wellness initiatives, leadership, strategic planning, rising skills and developing high-performance cultures. She is a certified instructor of Mental Health First Aid for adults working with youth and a facilitator of Mindful Sports Performance Enhancement. 

Samantha and her husband, Rob, live in New England with their four daughters. To learn more about her offerings, go over to www.samanthalivingstone.com.