Honoring the WHOLE Athlete
I watched the Athlete A documentary last night with hubs. It was gut-wrenching, eye-opening, heartbreaking, infuriating — and so many threads, painfully all-too-familiar.
When news broke about the decades long abuse in gymnastic a few years ago, it stirred something inside of me I didn’t know needed healing.
As I read investigative reports about the cover-ups of abuse inside of the USOPC and NGOs, including USA Swimming, I was finally able to put words to my experiences as a young club athlete, after more than two decades.
I was never touched by my coaches, so I never would have used the words abuse. I just thought the sexual talk by our coaches about our teenage bodies was par for the course. I thought the kick boards + lane line reels being thrown at us was just tough love. I thought the talk about our weight, wedgies, butt slaps and strip clubs were “normal” swim team behavior — and same with the forcing the men to wear female suits because they got ‘beat by a girl.’
The most confusing thing? These coaches believed in me.
At 13, they sat me down and told me I had a shot at making Olympic Trials.
But my inner wisdom knew better. She was SCREAMING at me to get out of that environment.
I was withdrawing. Getting kicked out of practice on purpose. Starting to hang out with a different crowd at school and was losing interest in all the things I once loved: All warning signs that I was navigating a mental health challenge.
And I was.
I fell into a darkness with no tools to positively cope.
Thankfully my mom noticed. I got out of there — but not without some deeply toxic seeds that would later bloom into a full blown eating disorder + booming inner critic.
Pain I tried to bury with achievement.
That inner critic was present with me on the Olympic podium — robbing me of joy. Stealing that moment I had dreamed about my whole life.
It took 2 years of intensive therapy to move into recovery from my eating disorder.
And it took me 16 years and my daughter’s heart failing before I began to feel proud of my accomplishments as an Olympian.
{And another two before I felt comfortable enough standing on stage, sharing my whole story* - not just the parts I though people wanted to hear.}
I wonder what could’ve been if I had had a positive, nurturing, healthy early club environment.
One that honored the development of the WHOLE Athlete.
I can’t go back in time.
I can fight like hell to transform the culture inside the athletic arena so ALL athletes feel safe, supported and seen.
So coaches have the skills and supports they need to thrive.
So ALL of our kids have a space to cultivate greatness without sacrificing their health.
Because both are possible: Greatness AND Health
This isn’t just semantics. We KNOW how to build high-performing cultures. We know how to cultivate greatness while honoring the health of the human underneath the athletic performances. It’s time for all of us to step up and demand that we do better — for our kids.
It’s WHY I founded the WHOLE Athlete Initiative (the WAI) - to provide pillars of support to individuals and organizations to elevate mental health and improve performance.
Because it’s not a choice of either/or.
//
If you haven’t watched Athlete A yet, I encourage you to - especially if sport plays any part in your life or the life of someone you love.
I know it’s heavy. I get it. I sobbed after watching this film. Sobs of anger + rage + sadness + disgust. Sobs for tainted childhood dreams + enduring trauma.
I also felt inspired + grateful — blown away by the strength of the women who stepped forward and the courage of the reporters to keep digging.
I’m hopeful for a brighter future for our girls — and all our kids.
And I’m committed to doing the work it takes to get there.
It’s not comfortable to turn toward pain and abuse — it’s easier to look away because when we turn toward it, we have a responsibility to do something about it. We can’t unsee what we’ve seen.
And we must. For all the survivors — and for this next generation.
*In 2018, I stepped onto the TEDxNorthAdams stage to talk about the Weight of Gold and my path to recovery.
It was one of the bravest moments of my life - owning all the parts of my story; not just the ones I thought people wanted to hear.
To do so, I had to shed the shame around that toxic club environment and heal wounds that were still open. I had to release the grip of fear that I’d get ‘in trouble’ for speaking my truth - as a 36 year old woman.
THANK YOU to the BRAVE survivors who came forward. I see you. I hear you. Thank you for opening the doors and inspiring my healing.
We’re stronger together. We can do better for our kids.
Here are five things you can do to help shift the culture in the athletic arena:
Watch Athlete A on Netflix.
Help pass Senate Bill 2330, the Empowering Olympic and Amateur Athletes Act of 2019. This bill will begin a historic process to modernize and rewrite the 1978 Amateur Sports Act! The governance of the United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee [USOPC] must include independent OVERSIGHT. Currently, it remains a monopoly, unanswerable to athletes. Click here to sign the petition.
3. Email the BOD members and/or coaches directly and asked that all youth-facing coaches and staff members become Mental Health First Aid trained. CPR is required of coaches; why not a first aid for mental health challenges?
Looking for a course and/or instructor, I’m in the process of building the landing page for registrations - but AM booking trainings. Please reach out to me to learn more and/or bring a virtual training to your organization.
4. If you see something, say something.
5. Help your kids become emotionally literate and talk about consent - early + often.
Samantha Arsenault Livingstone is an Olympic gold medalist, high-performance consultant, speaker and mental health advocate. In 2016, Samantha founded Livingstone High Performance and the Whole Athlete Initiative (the WAI) in response to the mental health crisis impacting adolescents across the globe. LHP provides pillars of support to organizations, teams and individuals to elevate mental health and improve performance.
In addition to private and group coaching, Samantha consults with teams and organizations on athlete wellness initiatives, leadership, strategic planning, rising skills and developing high-performance cultures. She is a certified instructor of Mental Health First Aid for adults working with youth and a facilitator of Mindful Sports Performance Enhancement.
Samantha is the founder and facilitator of two, multi-module online courses, the Rise Free Academy and Ride the Wave — inspiring, empowering and equipping others with the skills + supports needed to become more mindful, courageous, resilient leaders.
Samantha and her husband, Rob, live in New England with their four daughters. To learn more about her offerings, go over to www.samanthalivingstone.com.