Meeting the Moment: How we can harness the power of Naomi's bravery
I unplugged over Memorial Day Weekend and opened up my phone to tags + texts about Naomi Osaka's boundary-setting with the press, and subsequent withdrawal from the French Open to honor her mental well-being. In the process, Naomi bravely acknowledged her battle with depression and anxiety.
A polarized firestorm of headlines followed.
While I’ve never known the level of success, sponsorship or spotlight that Naomi knows; I do know what it’s like to be thrust into the Superhuman Trap as an 18 year old Olympic Gold Medalist silently navigating mental illness.
I know what it’s like to ride front and center in parades, sit for press conferences while the inner critic roars, and record interviews on live TV — fully armored — so no one could see the depths of hell that I was navigating inside my own mind.
On the outside, it looked like I had it all together. New hardware. Full scholarship. A college team waiting for me.
On the inside, it was a completely different story.
I had no idea who I was - who I was supposed to be, now that I had become an Olympic Gold Medalist.
I was battling through the pain of a shoulder that needed surgery; pain so severe it kept me up at night and me pulled me out of water, the one place I felt safe.
A depressive low turned into complete darkness. A full blown eating disorder. And, eventually suicidal ideation.
I didn’t need help, I said.
Just suck it up. Get over it. Just push through.
Words echoed + embedded in the reporting of Naomi’s bravery.
Phrases like “avoidable” + “special treatment” + “she’s pulling out instead of fighting this” + “she should’ve picked up the phone” + “she owes them” were activating me + pushing on some old wounds.
Which is why I gave myself space to process and respond vs. react - because the latter is part of what continues to feed into the toxic system, keeping us stuck and spinning.
While we’ve come so far on the mental health front, the grip of stigma remains - especially in sport.
In my darkest moments, it was nearly impossible to see past the pain.
Deep down, I desperately wanted to feel better.
That’s the thing with mental illness so many people who haven’t experienced it don’t understand:
Healing + moving into recovery aren’t about trying harder. Can you imagine telling someone who’s having a heart attack to just try harder?
Healing and recovery require us to try differently. And it’s work we don’t do alone.
(I’ve never met a world champion who got there solo. Why would it be different for our mental well-being?)
As I navigated my badly torn shoulder that needed surgical repair, I fully embraced prehab, PT, treatment, modifications to my workouts and medication for pain. I welcomed support from teammates who checked in on me — and talked openly with my Big Sis who was navigating a similar situation.
In my anger, frustration and sadness, I was met with empathy, connection, compassion and reassurance: I could get through this.
There was a plan and a path — a clear way forward, with an entire team around me.
Meanwhile, the darkness inside my mind deepened.
Why such a different response when the illness and injury are of the brain - which is part of our physical body?
Two decades ago, we didn’t speak of it. We pushed it down and went on with our day - except when we don’t own our emotions, they own us:
“Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignore, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification.” - Susan David, PhD., Author of Emotional Agility
So many of us sat shoulder to shoulder, silently suffering. Not knowing that others were enduring similar pain. Thinking + believing we were alone in it.
Thankfully, Naomi’s bravery is symbolic of this rising generation.
They are a generation more open and inclusive about so many things, including mental health. They’re not going to fall in line the way we did. And to that I say, BRAVO.
Over this past week, we’ve witnessed one of the most powerful female athletes on the planet set a boundary honoring her mental well-being.
Boundaries can feel offensive to those on the receiving end — especially where there have historically been power differentials.
What I’ve learned on this healing journey is that boundaries are our birthright. Of course there will be consequences - as with every action we take or don’t take.
If we’re being brutally honest, save the parades + world rankings in sport, most of us can relate to putting excess energy into proving + pleasing others at the expense of our well-being.
Self included.
And, we’ve got to ask ourselves AT WHAT COST?
As for my battle with mental illness in my post-Olympic free fall, I was lucky enough to have coaches who Noticed that I needed support and knew where to send me: to the office of Greg Harden, a social worker tucked away in back office of the Schembechler Hall.
Begrudgingly, I went. Deep down, I was relieved.
For the next two years, I showed up at Greg’s office to do the hardest work; the work of owning my story. He helped me develop the skill set I needed to become my most authentic self.
The work we did together in his corner office helped me finish my swimming career happier, healthier and faster than I’d ever been - with swims that helped our team to an NCAA Championship.
Beyond the pool, the work we did together helped me to navigate a darkness that would come crashing down 13 years later when, as a young mother of three, I almost lost my infant daughter after her open-heart surgery.
I don’t share my story to center myself.
While I can relate to the emotions underpinning Naomi’s experience, I do not + cannot know exactly what she’s going through. None of us can.
I share my story to continue to reiterate what so many elite athletes have been saying for years:
We are human.
Humans who play + compete + strive to make the impossible, possible.
Naomi is a 23 year-old emerging adult who is EXCEPTIONAL at tennis.
She’s still human.
There’s no level of achievement that protects us from the pain of being human - not even gold medals or grand slam titles. Yet, somehow, somewhere along the way that continues to get lost.
In the machine that is sport. In the way reporters (not all) dig in. In the way journalists (not all) write the story. In the way feedback is given and received.
In the way the ego + identity of athletes get enmeshed with performance.
Judgement and shaming are pervasive.
We don’t have to look further than our news feed to read about how she should’ve shown up. About just sucking it up. About how she didn’t handle things the “right” way. About how she owes others at all costs.
Full stop.
This is the kind of rhetoric that silences so many and fuels shame.
Growth happens when we decide to put down the judgement, examine our assumptions and choose curiosity.
To do so requires us to unhook - from the thoughts + emotions + behaviors running on autopilot.
When we become emotionally reactive, we lose access to our “thinking brain” (pre-frontal cortex). Our perspective narrows. We get HEATED and hung up on details - and old stories that keep us safe. We stop listening.
Another lesson from this healing journey:
If we’re brave enough to examine them, the places we’re hooked can show us where our internal work lies.
Work that may be keeping us stuck, stopping us from living a life in alignment with our values.
(That does NOT mean that we are responsible for past pain and trauma we’ve endured; it does mean that healing is 100% our responsibility.)
When we’re hooked + heated, we stay rumbling at the surface level saying things like, “Rules should apply to all players.”
We must be brave enough to think bigger.
If the rules don’t allow athletes space to honor their well-being, the rules are outdated and need to be re-written, not obeyed at all costs.
As much as this Recovering Perfectionist would love for the answers to be simplistic, our way forward is in the messy middle. It’s in learning how to tolerate the discomfort that comes with self and structural examination.
The way forward requires us to strive for mastery of our inner world - to cultivate the skills and supports we need to positively cope with pain and other hard things so we can show up in alignment with our values.
Because we’re going to feel + fall - even + especially as athletes.
Hard work? YES. Harder than training 7 hours a day. No doubt.
And, we can do hard things -even this kind.
Here are three things we can do to meet this moment and harness the power of Naomi’s bravery:
Normalize mental health
We all have mental health — there are no exceptions. As Eric Kussin of Same Here Global says, it’s #5in5. We all experience hard things. We all experience ups and downs. Hence, #samehere. Because, we’re human.
Some of us will be forced to navigate mental illness. While it’s nothing to be ashamed about - shame abounds. That’s where we can make a difference.
We must stop using mental health and mental illness interchangeably — and when we have conversations about mental health, we must make sure we’re talking about ALL of us, not just a small subset of ‘those people who struggle.’
2. Build pillars of support at all-levels
To harness the power of Naomi’s bravery, we must work both sides — at all levels, from the corporate boardrooms to National Governing Bodies to sport organizations to reporters and referees to team culture, coaches and captains, all the way down to the individual.
We must ask ourselves, what’s working? What’s not? And in the places and spaces we’re not able to show up the way we want, we ask ourselves and each other - what tools, skills, supports are we needing?
We must stop blaming the other. This isn’t someone else’s work - it’s all of our work. From the conversations we have at the dinner table to the questions we ask before our kids tryout for a travel team.
It’s time to ask how the well-being of athletes is being addressed.
3. step into aligned action
Awareness is the critical first step — and we cannot stop at stories. We must take the necessary Next Best Steps - which is going to require brave leaders.
Generating awareness and equipping athletes, coaches, sport parents and other sport professionals with the tools to reduce the likelihood of mental illness, positively cope with stress and anxiety, and recognize and respond if/when challenges present is as crucial as technique, body alignment, strategy and the like.
It takes training the physical, technical and mental game to catapult the athlete to optimal performance, resiliency and most importantly, fulfillment of personal goals.
Final Words From My 5 Year Old
As I sat in my driveway, writing this blog, watching my 5 year old bound with joy, I couldn’t help but think about what Naomi’s courage means for Reese’s future and her wild dream to become a world champion someday. (She’s serious.)
So in-tune to my emotions, Reese came over to touch my face and ask me if I was feeling sad. I paused, exhaled and decided to share a way oversimplified version of what I was reading + writing about, understanding that she’s newly 5:
One day, there was a beautiful little girl named Naomi who dreamed of becoming a world champion tennis player. She worked really, really hard at her craft and by the time she was 21, she became the best in the world. With the success came new kinds of pressure. Even though she’s the best tennis player in the world she’s still human, right? (head nod)
Naomi shared that she’s been dealing with a stormy inner world for a little while now - and she is going to work on building her toolbox. (sadness + a look of knowingness)
Mommy feels sad because she’s navigating such a hard space and that can feel lonely. Mommy feels angry people are being unkind and judgmental and that doesn’t feel good.
Naomi used her Brave Voice to speak up for what she needs. Mommy feels really inspired + hopeful by her courage to speak up.
I asked Reese if there’s anything she wanted to tell Naomi about stormy insides. She said,
“Put your hand on your belly. Say STOP. Take a deep breath like this. (breathes) Then use kind self-talk.”
Imagine if we all followed this simple practice of pausing + breathing + using kind self-talk?
We’re coming off a pandemic — a traumatic + turbulent year. This time last year, courts + fields were closed. Training rooms shut down. And for a moment, our hearts turned toward the well-being of athletes.
It’s been about a month since the CDC updated the pandemic guidelines.
The compassion and care for athlete well-being cannot end with the removal of masks.
What will it take to reach the tipping point - to fully embrace the humanity of athletes?
I’m hopeful it’s here, now.
My work with Greg - and the impact it’s had on my life is a huge part of WHY I launched Livingstone High Performance and the Whole Athlete Initiative (the WAI) in 2016: To provide pillars of support to individuals, teams and organizations that elevate mental health and improve performance — because, when we have the skills + supports, we can do both.
To get there - it’s going to take all of us, especially those on the frontline: coaches, sport parents + other sport professionals. I invite you to explore the various ways we can work together — and if it’s not with me, I have an incredible network of professionals I refer out to.
(Click on the images or button below to learn more.)
Samantha Arsenault Livingstone is an Olympic gold medalist, high-performance consultant, speaker and mental health advocate. In 2016, Samantha founded Livingstone High Performance and the Whole Athlete Initiative (the WAI) in response to the mental health crisis impacting adolescents across the globe. LHP provides pillars of support to organizations, teams and individuals to elevate mental health and improve performance.
In 2020, Samantha co-founded WholeHealth Sport to equip coaches and parents with the training, skills and support needed to change the narrative, culture and game regarding mental well-being in sport.
In addition to private and group coaching, Samantha consults with teams and organizations on athlete wellness initiatives, leadership, strategic planning, rising skills and developing high-performance cultures. She is a certified instructor of Mental Health First Aid for adults working with youth and a facilitator of Mindful Sports Performance Enhancement.
Samantha and her husband, Rob, live in New England with their four daughters. To learn more about her offerings, go over to www.samanthalivingstone.com.